Politically Correct ... Not A Chance

As a native Texan, who has also traveled extensively, I am still amazed at the level of pretense that abounds in some people. And, it seems some more than others like the Northeast corridor and California. I don't mean to imply all the people from those locations exhibit such behavior but it sometimes appears they do outweigh the "real" people from those geographic locales.

For those who can hardly survive without their Starbucks, designer clothing and personal trainers I offer these tips when you visit the Lone Star State to help clear up any misunderstandings:

• That farmer or rancher you see leaning on a fence did more work before breakfast than you did all week at the gym.
• It's called a gravel road for a reason, no matter how slow you drive you're going to get dust on your Hummer. We have four-wheel drive vehicles because we need them. Drive yours or get out of the way.
• Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your ass whipped ... by our women.
• Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod, just don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for ... bait!
• Pull your pants up, you look like an idiot.
• That's right! Whiskey is only five bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid for one drink at the airport.
• No, there's no "Vegetarian Special." Order a steak, or you can order a Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
• If you bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
• So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines the we use two weeks a year. 
• Some towns only have one stop light. When it's red we stop, and we may even stop when its yellow.
• Yeah, we eat catfish, maybe even carp and turtle too. You really want sushi? Its available at the bait shop. 
• There are pigs and goats and cattle. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 10 and 20 go two ways, east and west. Interstate Highways 35 and 45 go north and south. Pick one and use it accordingly.
• The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
• So every person in every pick-up in a small town waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
• Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks the fish. 
• The Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot ... his name is "Sir" ... no matter how old he is. 

 Now enjoy your visit then go home.

Smile and have a great week.